It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
porn star boner night. come get it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
