this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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