sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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