i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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