Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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