i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
