On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
