i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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