my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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