If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
