Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
