You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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