im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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