Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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