how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
