just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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