It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
