Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
