i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We have started to decorate penises.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
