I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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