I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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