There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
as a side note pls kill me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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