i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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