I love black thongs
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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