mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
