I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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