wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
