Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You're like the curious george of whores
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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