piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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