My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
