you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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