Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(941): View more from Florida

If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?

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(305): View more from Florida

I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.

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(914): View more from New York

you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds

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(801): View more from Utah

I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(425): View more from Washington

I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried

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(540): View more from Virginia

It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.

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(714): View more from California

I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.

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