If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.