is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me