Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.