holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus