There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
