Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning

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  (949): The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning http://tfl.nu/sax1
  Replies (35) Good night (774) Bad night (5104)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again

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  (519): oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again http://tfl.nu/6u76
  Replies (22) Good night (7273) Bad night (961)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.

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  (859): you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it. http://tfl.nu/q4is
  Replies (33) Good night (9623) Bad night (1503)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.

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  (256): Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation. http://tfl.nu/su8c
  Replies (11) Good night (3461) Bad night (1096)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.

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  (713): She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this. http://tfl.nu/8bwv
  Replies (13) Good night (948) Bad night (3984)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.

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  (843): I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier. http://tfl.nu/n87w
  Replies (5) Good night (3753) Bad night (1073)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.

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  (201): The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card. http://tfl.nu/lm1u
  Replies (15) Good night (2848) Bad night (913)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny

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  (518): I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny http://tfl.nu/wgb1
  Replies (2) Good night (1642) Bad night (580)
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  (916): View more from California

  The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.

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  (916): The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino. http://tfl.nu/qmu0
  Replies (5) Good night (1203) Bad night (759)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?

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  (717): So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards? http://tfl.nu/22rv
  Replies (5) Good night (1187) Bad night (586)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.

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  (405): I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot. http://tfl.nu/dd00
  Replies (2) Good night (792) Bad night (342)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  how did you graduate high school

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  (514): all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something (1-514): how did you graduate high school http://tfl.nu/3j47
  Replies (5) Good night (1015) Bad night (485)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.

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  (406): I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners. http://tfl.nu/nx0p
  Replies (0) Good night (743) Bad night (377)
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  (607): View more from New York

  she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on

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  (607): she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on http://tfl.nu/rygw
  Replies (2) Good night (805) Bad night (307)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on

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  (712): I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on http://tfl.nu/90y6
  Replies (0) Good night (477) Bad night (239)

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