Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?