He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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