i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
