Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
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As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize