she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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