Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
nutella sex= disaster
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
