she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
