and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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