Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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