What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
