I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
