i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
