Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
