You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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