I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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