dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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