She is in my trunk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
