I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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