I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
