It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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