I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
