I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
