And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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