Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
