I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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