He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
