I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
