Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
