you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
