I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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