You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
