Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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