she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
