I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
