I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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